Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
