There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh god it's open bar.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
