Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
