i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
