oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
