i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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