i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
