I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
