don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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