Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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