I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just pee around me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
tell me about the eggs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
