Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
