you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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