Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
