My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Can I color on your dick again?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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