oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
