The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
