Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
