I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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