so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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