She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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