so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
