Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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