i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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