ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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