It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
