standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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