we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
