farters have to be the big spoon...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
