Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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