you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
