I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
