You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
