Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
