Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
