I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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