You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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