Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
