I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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