why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
