I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize