the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize