New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
