i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
