Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
