I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
