It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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