Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
