Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
