I accidentally had phone sex last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
