there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
