I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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