made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize