someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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