so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
