Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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