Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You're like the curious george of whores
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
