Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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